THE END

Strange that I should think of my dear old mum being present and saying  “well there’s a bloody thing.” Of course she is long since gone. It was Sarah (taking time out from her 12 year battle with a brain tumor) in the room with her father, when the Doc gave me the news “I think you have two to three years.” I was surprised. This was a change of thought in a week from “I have good news for you. Bone and brain scans showed no activity”. Of course that is a very wide range of time and

I have heard of quite a number who defied the predictions. So I might be around some time yet to pester family and friends.

But now I really have deadlines. No more procrastination. Chop, chop, work to be done. Get the house in order. I am completely at peace except for washes of sadness when I think of the little ones and realize the sweet joy of the smiles I will not see. But of course that will change anyway as they move o to adolescence etc .  I have had a truly rich and full life, often joking that I know I should not complain but I also know I will if given half a chance.s But greed is ugly when there are so many young ones who must live in the space we elders leave. So on to the next chapter. Oblivion? Or, a big surprise for skeptics like me?

Why does death make us so uncomfortable? It is certainly not a unique experience. So often the response from people is born of discomfort and the brief  “Oh no. I don’t know what to say.’ How about my mother’s response, “well there’s a bloody thing” or, “well dammit! We are going to miss you old bean”. Certainly there is an element of sadness. And there is a huge sense of tragedy when death is untimely and robs a person of life when still young. But in my case, I am formally and officially antique.  So onward and upward, I hope.

BUT HOLD ON A MINUTE!

LATER

The Doctor called to tell me that numbers have taken a significant turn for the better in the last three months thanks to a new drug that had recently made such a significant impact on patients in a trial, that the trial had been suspended so that people like me might benefit. So…

Three months ago my PSA level was 119; it has dropped now to 13. I am not sure of the numbers since high math has been my torment all my life, but I do remember him saying that it was almost a 90 percent drop. Most excellent but this does not mean I should not continue to be spoiled. Thanks to everyone who has done that so generously. Friends and family, and the Mormon Church here, all amazing the kindness, and he church to a heathen household like ours.

Of course I have lost my actual numbers, and my little grey cells notorious for their deservedly bad reputation with high math, make this an almost wild guess, but it gives you an idea of the doctor’s and hence my enthusiasm. This may mean more of life to be one big pain in the patoot for others, but I would be tickled pink. So back to sorting and counting pills.